(NSFW) Lilia – Fertility Experiences 2: Abortion

Content Warning: Abortion. This entry might be triggering or upsetting for certain audiences, please use at your own risk. Given the delicate nature of this post’s theme, any comments which are disrespectful towards the subject will not be tolerated.

This is the second entry of a series of three about female fertility.

Lilia is the mother to a beautiful son, yet this has not been her only pregnancy. Lilia has had two abortions, and the two experiences were radically different.

‘All fertility can be orgasmic’
‘All fertility can be orgasmic’

Her first abortion, at 16, was horrible, she says. “It was extremely traumatic”, she tells me although it made her the person she is and pushed her to work with pregnant women. When we talk about this experience, she reflects on the issue of support and education. She says there should be more help and information for women making this decision. When you speak about abortion with someone who has experienced it on their own flesh, sometimes curiosity tempts you to ask about the technical details. How did it happen? How was it? Did it hurt? Are you OK? Yet as Lilia’s story unfolded, it quickly became obvious that those are not the questions to be asked. Having an abortion is a sad experience for everyone involved. You may even call it a tragedy. It is crucial to remember, Lilia clarifies, that it does not have to cause trauma. It is a choice, for better or for worst, and the taboo and stigma around this fertility experienced needs to be talked about.

Sitting by Window

Lilia’s second abortion happened as consequence of contraceptive failure.  The memories of her first experience had taught her to prepare herself, and it is for this reason that she and her husband made a conscious effort to give each other all the necessary support, as well as space to grieve, release emotion and say goodbye. Together they created a farewell ritual for the soul that was departing. For the family, this was a healing process but also an act of mutual acceptance of their decision. It was an acknowledgement of their love and an act of forgiveness. She compares abortion to childbirth: it is an immensely intense experience, but it can be manageable, deep and transformative. Abortion is a valid and responsible choice. It is a sad and difficult choice. In fact, Lilia stresses that doing it can be ‘punishment’ enough.

It doesn’t have to be a tragedy. You have to have a process of mourning and support. You need to understand.

Lilia reflects on the taboos and stigmatisation of abortions, and says that there needs to be more visible support mechanisms for women. Education is key; as well as respecting women, their bodies, and above all, their agency.


{Let me digress from Lilia for a moment. The aim of this project is to let her voice raise above mine so she can tell her story free from taboos and censorship. However in this particular case I feel the need to establish a solidarity for women who have had abortions. As Lilia says, it does not have to be a traumatic experience, and with support and understanding the stories the media (particularly religious media, I’m looking at you extremists) tells us are not necessarily true: anyone can make the choice and just. be. ok.}


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close